I have been a Stay-at-home-Mom for almost 11 months now. I was so excited to spend every waking moment with my son and although I was warned about the trials and tribulations of my new job, I loved every minute of it. Until recently. You see, I’ve read others’ stories about the downfalls of the job and I have experienced many of them but the loneliness of it all can make you feel like you’re in solitary confinement. We go shopping, we go to play dates, and swim class but the brief adult encounters do not satisfy my daily adult interaction needs. Just when we get into a conversation, one of our children will throw a toy at another kid, run off, or simply need us causing the conversation to get distracted and pretty much terminated. Then it is back home to what was once my castle but has now turned into a military operation of cleaning, cooking, changing diapers, laundry, and repeat.
As a mother, I do not find it necessary to have girls nights to go out and re-live my 20’s but primarily to reconnect with the world and be able to stop and look around rather than at a tiny human being while in public. I have lost connection to many of my girlfriends as a new mom due to not knowing what the heck I was doing but I have been working on regaining those relationships. The brief time I do spend with a girlfriend quickly turns into guilt wondering if I should be at home just in case he needs me. As much as he depends on me to thrive, it seems I too, depend on him to thrive. My social skills have gone out the window. Even going out with a girlfriend for a few hours makes me feel like I am socially awkward. I talk to a 19-month old, a dog, and a cat all day. I get an occasional call from my mother and texts from friends here and there but most of the words that come out of my mouth are teaching him to look for the “fast jet”, the “blue truck”, and of course “put that down”.
But what about your husband, you may ask? He’s here, sort of. He has become the bread-winner in the family. Bread-winner. As a Stay-at-home-Mom, I hate that term. I don’t disagree that he works hard but at least he gets paid for his job. I also receive benefits from my job but the heart-melting smiles from a giggling baby do not pay the bills. Everything changes when you have a baby they say. Well, “they” couldn’t have been more correct! I feel more disconnected from my husband than ever. When we first had the baby, I didn’t think our communication could get any stronger but that quickly dissolved once we both went back to work. Once I stayed home full-time, it seems that my need for adult interaction has become bothersome to him. I’ve heard, “I just walked in the door, let me do my thing for a minute” too many times to count! (Thanks Chris Rock.) My husband doesn’t understand what I go through in a day because when he is home or takes the baby for the day, the baby is a complete angel! I’m pretty sure at this point that my husband thinks I over-exaggerate my tiredness, my hurting body, and massive headache that are all present when he gets home. He gets to get out of the house 5 days a week, then he has friends over, or goes to a friend’s house or hangs out at the neighbor’s house almost daily. I feel like I have turned into his babysitter. Sure he makes small talk with me but he has his other life it seems that causes him to be on the phone constantly or outside with a buddy too often to count. All I want is some quality alone time to watch TV or a movie and a date night once a month wouldn’t hurt either. I’m sad and very lonely at the end of each day. Yes, I love my baby and the times we spend together but I need my husband, my rock, to be my companion, to have my back, and to be my friend. We have lost that connection and I can’t help but wonder if it is my fault because I have become too involved in my job.
Have I become more of a mom than a wife?